Why? Because I said so!

I’m often asked why I became an executive coach. The story is really quite simple and straightforward: I felt a calling to help managers and leaders in organizations be more effective in their careers, have more fun, and pursue a balanced life. In the process of this mid-life career shift, I picked up a few good skills along the way, as well as some leadership tips that certainly would have been useful for me back when I was in corporate world.

One of these tips is the act of purging the word “Why” from your vocabulary. "Why," you ask? Well it’s really quite simple -- Using “why” immediately puts others on the defensive and forces them to possibly feel the need to defend themselves. It’s one of the most punitive words in the English language and especially in times of conflict, it can send our backs right up against the wall.

Let’s look at an example: Imagine a colleague completed a report and used a methodology that was different from what you would have used. You don’t feel it was wrong; you just feel it was different and you’re curious. You ask him “Why did you do it that way?” Your co-worker immediately feels defensive and assumes, incorrectly, that you think he did it wrong.

What would happen if you rephrased your question and dropped the use of “why?” “I’m curious about your methodology and would like to better understand and appreciate how the report was prepared.”

See the difference?

Dropping the “why” makes you sound more curious, because you are more curious. And being more curious, in a positive way, always makes others feel you’re interested and certainly less judgmental!

So there ya have it, one little tip to improve your life at work, and make it a lot more fun., as good relationships at work are always more than bad ones!